I suppose with such a huge word in the title of this blog I should define that word so we are all on the same page. A hypochondriac is a person who is abnormally anxious about their health.

I’ve been aware of my hypochondriac tendencies since I was a small child. I’m so old I lived through the polio epidemic of the 1950’s. In fact, I can still remember the fear I felt when an elementary student in our school died from polio.

I was sure I was destined for the iron lung if the polio virus attacked me. I’m sure I suffered through a few nightmares during those younger years as I awaited a doctor’s diagnosis that I had contracted the feared disease.

But alas the fears were unnecessary when I ingested that sugar cube containing the polio vaccine and I was ready to move on and worry about contracting another even more serious disease.

My body tends to produce lumps in a variety of places and of course every new lump is diagnosed by my brain as the ‘c’ word, cancer.

For several years I had a large lump on my chest which my grandchildren defined as my third boob. Every summer when we met at the lake for our annual family vacation, they would gather around me and stare at my bare chest.

I would patiently answer their questions over and over again about why I had three boobs. 🙂

After several years the feared cancerous growth began leaking a fluid which revealed the once feared cancerous growth was nothing more than a giant pimple.

I spent several weeks squeezing the giant zit and actually enjoyed the process as it brought back old memories of my teenage- filled acne years.

Our Mom died of a heart attack when she was only forty-seven years old so you can imagine how that affected her hypochondriac son.

I have had what I thought were several heart attacks over the years that fortunately turned out to be cases of indigestion.

I was sure I had Covid several times. But each time the hypochondriac kid was wrong. The disease turned out to be just the sniffles.

I am discovering that Facebook is not a healthy tool to be used by a hypochondriac.

Have you discovered that Facebook understands what we are talking about? After Kathie and I received our first Covid shot Kathie began producing gobs and gobs of phlegm.

As we discussed that fact minutes later guess what began showing up on our iPads? Products that can be purchased to relieve excess phlegm production!

I have been diagnosed with dry eyes syndrome. The iPad overheard our discussions so daily I began receiving ways I can eliminate dry eyes.

The iPad introduces the hypochondriac to even more ailments of the body that the hypochondriac was not even aware of. But now that they are aware, the ailment worries expand. (:

Like this week when watching a video on Facebook I discovered a new disease called ‘Leaky Gut’.

Now that sounds like a disease that I would rather not acquire.

As the video rolled on various foods were discussed as sources of causing Leaky Gut.

It seems when certain foods are digested the resulting molecules have projections that makes the molecule resemble a porcupine.  As these molecules pass through the small intestine the projections scrape the intestinal walls ripping holes in them.

Larger, undigested food particles can leak out and enter the blood stream. Thus, Leaky Gut is born! 🙁

And what are those foods that produce those porcupine appearing molecules? Why two of my favorite foods of course, potatoes and tomatoes! 🙁

I have eaten so many potatoes and tomatoes in my lifetime I don’t even want to imagine how my small intestine looks.

Will I have to give up eating those delicious tomatoes later in the summer when I normally snack on them? (Pig- out is probably a more accurate description.)

Eliminating mashed potatoes and gravy would be an almost impossible task.

I should have burned the iPad the last time it was hacked! 🙁

But wait a minute. Let’s not get too hasty here. Remember I was a science teacher so what would a scientist do?

I think I will Google ‘leaky gut’ and see what results from that search.

Here’s what my search revealed.

Leaky gut syndrome is a hypothetical condition that’s not currently recognized as a medical diagnosis. It’s based on the concept of increased intestinal permeability, which occurs in some gastrointestinal diseases.

Why that dirty old iPad upsetting this old hypochondriac! Leaky gut is a hypothesis (scientific guess) and not even recognized as a medical diagnosis!

Well, when the scientists reach a final decision that leaky gut is an actual medical problem and potatoes and tomatoes are the culprits causing the leaks, I’ll think about retiring potatoes and tomatoes from my diet.

Meanwhile I’ve got to get dinner on the table and now that leaky gut is only a hypothesis I think it’s time for a bacon, lettuce, tomato sandwich and a heaping pile of French fries. 🙂

Until next time.